I am struck today by how much I am struggling to change. The amount of change that is actually coming about in my life as I know it is minimal at best. I have been trying to change my situation, change my habits, change my ways, and change, well, change myself.
I keep praying for the Lord to help me, but I think I am finally realizing that the Lord can and will help me change, but He can't and won't make me change. The old maxim comes to mind, "The Lord helps those who help themselves." Maybe, in this case, I've been expecting the Lord to do all the work for me.
I need Him. There is no doubt in my mind about that. However, I am slowly coming to the realization that the Lord can't make me do what is right. He gave me a free will, and therefore, it is my decision to chose to do the wrong or the right thing. The Lord will help me, and give me the strength that can only come from him to resist temptation. But I, me, have to choose to listen and obey. I must submit myself to God, and be disciplined enough to change through the power, help, and strength of God above. "His grace is sufficient for me."
Friday, April 11, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
Log #14 - Moving Forward
We recently had a special week of church services for the youth in my church, and they were amazing. God was there with us, and blessed each and every service. I was so blessed by them and feel truly changed.
I have been praying for and working towards dedicating my life more fully to God. Using my time more wisely, and more efficiently to be the best I can be for God. I have been truly wanting to work harder for the things that I really want out of life like a better relationship with God, a better weight, a better lifestyle, and a better work ethic at my schooling, home chores, and future job. I know God is helping me because I can already feel Him changing me. Things that used to seem so irresistible like watching stupid movies or shows that are just wasting precious time have become less and less of a temptation to me. I give God all the glory for that, because in my flesh I know that this change could have never happened. I'm so thankful for His help.
I want an even deeper devotion to God. An even deeper passion for the things of God and what He loves. A closer walk with Him than I have ever known. I do believe that the Lord will bless me if I seek Him with my whole heart, and I will seek Him.
At this time in my life when there is so much changing I am so thankful I have a God who cares, and directs me. I love Him so much, and I hope to worship Him with my whole life. I know He is directing me, and guiding me in the way that I need to be going. I pray that I listen well to His voice.
Thank you, Lord, for all your doing in my life!
I have been praying for and working towards dedicating my life more fully to God. Using my time more wisely, and more efficiently to be the best I can be for God. I have been truly wanting to work harder for the things that I really want out of life like a better relationship with God, a better weight, a better lifestyle, and a better work ethic at my schooling, home chores, and future job. I know God is helping me because I can already feel Him changing me. Things that used to seem so irresistible like watching stupid movies or shows that are just wasting precious time have become less and less of a temptation to me. I give God all the glory for that, because in my flesh I know that this change could have never happened. I'm so thankful for His help.
I want an even deeper devotion to God. An even deeper passion for the things of God and what He loves. A closer walk with Him than I have ever known. I do believe that the Lord will bless me if I seek Him with my whole heart, and I will seek Him.
At this time in my life when there is so much changing I am so thankful I have a God who cares, and directs me. I love Him so much, and I hope to worship Him with my whole life. I know He is directing me, and guiding me in the way that I need to be going. I pray that I listen well to His voice.
Thank you, Lord, for all your doing in my life!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Log #13 - My Love
If I wrote a thousand words. Skillfully woven into sentences in an attempt to show you the depth of my love. It would not be enough. I breathe in and your face surfaces in my cluttered mind. My whole heart heaves at the precious thought of your existence.
If I searched the world over to collect everything that would reveal the breadth of my affection. It would not be enough. With every passing moment your eyes bore through my defenses. Every painstaking tick of the clock is a lost second I hopelessly wish to be with you.
If I gave my every feeling for you in a wrapped gift to express my passion to you. It would not be enough. Your every action captures me, and the moments in which you still, seemingly silent, enrapture me. I read the lines of your adored face like a well-worn book.
If I stood by your side forever and beyond to testify how much I care for you. It would not be enough. When separated, I scour the sea of people for your face. Each movement made more difficult at the ever-increasing weight of missing you.
If I had all you wanted in my hands. An offering to prove the sincerity of my love. It wouldn't be enough. Even if You loved another woman, and thought of me only as a friend. Every dagger at the sight of you with her would never deter me from securing your purest happiness.
If I sang a million melodies stirring your soul to see my faithful devotion to you. It would not be enough. With every measure of these songs I'd imagine the safety of your arms. Notes endlessly dancing in my ears, yet your voice remains lost to me.
If I left you without a word for the sake of you and yours to demonstrate my heart's allegiance. It would not be enough. Every instant I moved further apart from you would tear me in a thousand pieces. Steadfast, I'll sustain any wound for you.
If I carried your every burden to attest to the intensity of my regard for you. It would not be enough. Nursing you with loving words would be my painful honor. Every drip of scarlet I would wipe away, and my concern would adorn you with a healing glow.
If I said I loved you to inform you of my soul's mate. It would not be enough. How does anyone put into a conversation the unspeakable admiration a heart can feel for another? I would stand speechless or surely overflow with an endless river of syllables.
If I searched the world over to collect everything that would reveal the breadth of my affection. It would not be enough. With every passing moment your eyes bore through my defenses. Every painstaking tick of the clock is a lost second I hopelessly wish to be with you.
If I gave my every feeling for you in a wrapped gift to express my passion to you. It would not be enough. Your every action captures me, and the moments in which you still, seemingly silent, enrapture me. I read the lines of your adored face like a well-worn book.
If I stood by your side forever and beyond to testify how much I care for you. It would not be enough. When separated, I scour the sea of people for your face. Each movement made more difficult at the ever-increasing weight of missing you.
If I had all you wanted in my hands. An offering to prove the sincerity of my love. It wouldn't be enough. Even if You loved another woman, and thought of me only as a friend. Every dagger at the sight of you with her would never deter me from securing your purest happiness.
If I sang a million melodies stirring your soul to see my faithful devotion to you. It would not be enough. With every measure of these songs I'd imagine the safety of your arms. Notes endlessly dancing in my ears, yet your voice remains lost to me.
If I left you without a word for the sake of you and yours to demonstrate my heart's allegiance. It would not be enough. Every instant I moved further apart from you would tear me in a thousand pieces. Steadfast, I'll sustain any wound for you.
If I carried your every burden to attest to the intensity of my regard for you. It would not be enough. Nursing you with loving words would be my painful honor. Every drip of scarlet I would wipe away, and my concern would adorn you with a healing glow.
If I said I loved you to inform you of my soul's mate. It would not be enough. How does anyone put into a conversation the unspeakable admiration a heart can feel for another? I would stand speechless or surely overflow with an endless river of syllables.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Log #11 - Growing Up
As a high school senior I have found myself sometimes lost in a sense of nostalgia over years past, and at the same time a sense of independence and inspiration for the coming days ahead. The feeling I speak of though rather confusing, is oddly pleasing.
I wistfully daydream about the lunchbox days of my childhood, remember the awkward moments of my in-between years, recall with affection the genesis of my youth, and reminisce about the teen years I am still currently working through.
Then in the next moment, I find myself envisioning my future as it unfolds. I see myself losing weight, applying for jobs, getting a job, starting a bank account, graduating from high school, celebrating my graduation with my family at OutBack in a dress I designed just for this special occasion. Things like I have always fancied them to be.
Now, don't be worried about me, Dearies. I do not pretend to think that all my silly little whims will come to pass exactly as I wish them to. Indeed not. However, I have dreamed of this day for twelve years, and cannot seem to help myself but look forward to it with joy and jubilation.
Never fearing, I am trusting my future, my hopes, and my dreams, whole-heartedly to the Lord. He is kind, and merciful to me.
My mind is drawn to the scriptures of Psalm 37, and specifically to verse number 4: "Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." The Lord will take care of me, and keep me if I serve Him with all my heart, mind, and soul. My future is in His hands.
I wistfully daydream about the lunchbox days of my childhood, remember the awkward moments of my in-between years, recall with affection the genesis of my youth, and reminisce about the teen years I am still currently working through.
Then in the next moment, I find myself envisioning my future as it unfolds. I see myself losing weight, applying for jobs, getting a job, starting a bank account, graduating from high school, celebrating my graduation with my family at OutBack in a dress I designed just for this special occasion. Things like I have always fancied them to be.
Now, don't be worried about me, Dearies. I do not pretend to think that all my silly little whims will come to pass exactly as I wish them to. Indeed not. However, I have dreamed of this day for twelve years, and cannot seem to help myself but look forward to it with joy and jubilation.
Never fearing, I am trusting my future, my hopes, and my dreams, whole-heartedly to the Lord. He is kind, and merciful to me.
My mind is drawn to the scriptures of Psalm 37, and specifically to verse number 4: "Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." The Lord will take care of me, and keep me if I serve Him with all my heart, mind, and soul. My future is in His hands.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Log #10: Haphazard Notions
Dearies, by now I'd like to think you know me to a degree in which I can be frank (Poor Frank.. Everyone is always bothering him.), and that you will not hold it against me. No, in fact, quite the opposite reaction will occur as my frankness (I did it again. My apologies, Frank.) and sincerity will only endear me to you more. In any case, I have come to eleaborate about a subject of great importance.
I have begun another blog.
I'd like to think that you are jumping up and down with exhilaration at the prospect of another blog of mine becoming available for your perusal, but indeed I, myself, have not put that much athleticism into my new writing center so I will put no such burden of an outwardly show of happiness upon you. Though I do hope you are mentally excited to hear about it.
The name of my new blog is the same as the title of this post, Haphazard Notions. This blog is a little different than this one to be certain. It has much smaller posts consisting of a concise line or 3 proposing a thought, maxim, or quote. I do hope that you would search it out, and follow it with the same dedication as you follow this blog. You are surely (We're always bothering Surely too. I really ought to try harder to leave these poor people alone.) the best followers a blogger such as myself could have. I appreciate you all.
Here is the link: http://haphazardnotions.blogspot.com/
Hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoy writing it. 'Til next time Dearies, I bid you farewell.
I have begun another blog.
I'd like to think that you are jumping up and down with exhilaration at the prospect of another blog of mine becoming available for your perusal, but indeed I, myself, have not put that much athleticism into my new writing center so I will put no such burden of an outwardly show of happiness upon you. Though I do hope you are mentally excited to hear about it.
The name of my new blog is the same as the title of this post, Haphazard Notions. This blog is a little different than this one to be certain. It has much smaller posts consisting of a concise line or 3 proposing a thought, maxim, or quote. I do hope that you would search it out, and follow it with the same dedication as you follow this blog. You are surely (We're always bothering Surely too. I really ought to try harder to leave these poor people alone.) the best followers a blogger such as myself could have. I appreciate you all.
Here is the link: http://haphazardnotions.blogspot.com/
Hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoy writing it. 'Til next time Dearies, I bid you farewell.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Log #9 - Unfinished Scribblings
I have so many yet-to-be-written writings floating throughout my home. Between the incomplete lyrics, poems, and even a few novels: I am an author of a rather unfinished, unpolished, collection of undone things.
My adverse, procrastinative qualities have already been previously underlined many times in other posts. Nevertheless, in some ways, this is a different breed of avoidance and dismissal. In a way, I am almost unsure how to complete some of the stories I have. My plots are often enough too messy for any reader's enjoyment, much less understanding, as well as my character's are often to cliche.
Sometimes I truly wonder, if indeed, I was even meant to be a writer of that sort of. I know that song-writing is in God's will for me, but other fictional forms of writing (such as my novels) has me struggling for certainty as to whether or not it is really in me. They say, (which by the way, who in the wild world of wonder is "they"?) "There is a writer in everyone." I sincerely wonder though sometimes. Especially considering some of the things that have been written in the spaces of time.
In any case, I know that I need to actually complete a novel. Finally, literally, complete a novel. It might take me a month, a year, or my entire lifetime, but I will indeed complete a novel of my own. I simply must.
Thank you, Dearies, for listening to me chatter about my silly issues and how I bizarrely, probably in a way that only makes sense to me, determined a viable solution to my problem. I appreciate your time, thank you again. Hopefully, I have inspired you to complete a few of your very own, yet-to-be-written writings, and continue this uncommon series of changes.
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